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When The Bearded Man used to listen to music, he sometimes imagined that he was floating through the galaxy when he closed his eyes. Headphones on, he’d dream that he was soaring through time and space, impervious to anything that could possibly harm him. In this universe, he was the king of his domain — he ruled the planets below him with a benevolent fist full of cash. As he cruised on his magical rocket ship of the stars, he’d glance down at each passing globe, stunner shades on, imagining all the tiny little inhabitants looking up at him and waving at him as he flew by. He’d throw back a humble peace sign, shake his bushy beard for good luck, do a couple backflips, then keep cruising through the galaxy smoother than warm cocoa butter. It’s true, The Bearded Man used to listen to music. He used to dream about flying through space, but he doesn’t dream about that anymore. Ever since he bought his rocket ship last winter (right after he was decreed captain of the universe by like *every*one), trust me when I say he’s been living that exact same dream for real. True story. He actually owns a rocket ship and all that other stuff now… k bye.

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