Today we field another question from Twitter. User donkeyballs30xoxox writes: “I don’t think The Bearded Man is real, you guys are just making sh** up from Wikipedia.” Well, first of all, that’s not a question, donkeyballs30xoxox. Second of all, we checked Wikipedia, and it defines an ‘idiot’ as “someone who would name his or her Twitter account donkeyballs30xoxox”. So there you have it. Even still, all rudeness aside, we’ll address your real concern. You see, you’re not *WRONG*, you’ve just seriously misunderstood the order of things. Just like Stephen Hawking made us all think twice when he asked whether the chicken or the egg came first, what came first? The Bearded Man or Wikipedia? You might not know this, but the great majority of Wikipedia is actually based on stories passed down about The Bearded Man’s life. Quite simply, The Bearded Man is how we know about 90% of what we know about the universe. Without his thousands of years of life experience, we might never know that the Boll Weevil has already cost our cotton farmers several billion dollars, for example. A still lesser known fact is that Wikipedia was originally called “Tikipedia” after The Bearded Man’s legendary tiki parties. It’s true! You can look it up on Wikipedia! If you want more proof, all you have to do is ask Tommy Jacob and Raveena, literally everything they know about music (which is a lot) they learned from The Bearded Man’s teachings, which are now documented extensively on the internet. Another fan question solved!
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