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One of the hardest questions The Bearded Man has ever had to deal with, is: ‘What do you do with unlimited freedom?’ Money? Got that. Fame? Done. Bitchez? In spades. A tuxedo in every shade of the rainbow? Been there done that – even mauve. Understanding what Jay-Z meant with ‘this is truffle season’? Oh yeah. Yep. Got that too. Yes, when you can do anything – when there’s nothing holding you back – what then? What does liberation look like? The man in the cage desires nothing more than to be free. The homeless man desires nothing more than to have a house to put himself inside. The rich man just wants to join the people again. The people all want a private jet where they can escape each other. The only true thing seems to be that the grass is always greener on the other side, whatever side you’re on. That’s why, when The Bearded Man truly wants to feel free, he stands on a tree stump on the top of a grassy hill in the summer time, and he doesn’t leave the tree stump for over 5 hours. For 5 hours, he spends his time slowly shifting from one foot to the other, practicing slow kung fu moves for an invisible universal camera crew. If you want to feel like you can go anywhere, all you have to do is limit yourself to going nowhere for as long as you can.
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